(2 min read • Illustration by DALL-E)
Trump: Who’s greater, me or Lincoln?
Putin: Is no contest, Lincoln
Trump: FUCK LINCOLN WHATS HE GOT
Putin: He has 620,000 dead citizen in civil war
Putin: You have only 400,000 and no war
Putin: But hey better luck next time, eh?
Trump: I AM SO FUCKING HUNGRY!!
Trump: YOU!! WHY AM I NOT EATING RIGHT NOW?!!
Intern: um McDonalds closed your tab
Trump: [turns] YOU!!! WHY ARE WE NOT COOKING THAT INTERN RIGHT NOW?!!
Constituent: So why object to metal detectors? Is it so you can bring a gun to your workplace?
Representative Guncuddler: Yes. I want to have a loaded gun with me when I have frank discussions with my colleagues. I thought that would be obvious.
Constituent: …
Constituent: Still trying to figure out the whole “need a gun at the office” thing
Representative Guncuddler: Well, I might get to murder one or more of my coworkers
Constituent: Did you just
Representative Guncuddler: I meant HAVE to murder one or more of my coworkers
Representative Guncuddler: And I stand here today ready to kill anyone that disagrees with my right to carry this beautiful device that lets me kill anyone I see
Representative Guncuddler: Some say preventing random impulsive murder is good. I say, let’s have that debate!
Representative Guncuddler: If we prevent the godgiven right of anyone with white skin to randomly flip out and murder those around them, then all our murders will be PREMEDITATED and my constituents are against premeditated murder
Constituent: Except democrats!
Intern 1: [whispering] What’s he doing?
Intern 2: Literally holding his breath until he turns blue
Intern 1: Still can’t get past that throbbing purple color
Intern 2: Nope
Senator: I disagree with my esteemed colleagues on the necessity of being able to murder those around you at any moment
Senator: I prefer to be part of a rioting mob
Senator: That’s the way my grandfather terrorized and murdered his neighbors and it’s good enough for me
Trump: If I kill someone on 5th Ave i wont lose any followers…
Trump: Social media took all my followers…
Trump: [thinking really hard]
Trump: …
Trump: YOU!! GET MY GUN, WE'RE GOING TO THE CITY!
Ivanka: I am SO MAD at daddy
Ivanka: I was going to be president in 2024 and now he’s not president and he can’t even pardon anymore and I just… everything is RUINED
Jared: Maybe he’s worried you can do better than 400,000
Ivanka: Don’t say that!! he did his best!
Intern 1: Why are we removing all the mirrors? Is he really a vampire?
Intern 2: No, he just keeps losing arguments whenever he sees one
Trump: FUCK YOU, I'M NOT PAYING
Mirror Trump: FUCK YOU I'M NOT PAYING
Trump: This guy is good
Trump: I WILL EAT YOUR HEART FOR BREAKFAST!
Mirror Trump: I WILL EAT YOUR HEART FOR BREAKFAST!! ALSO HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING OUT? YOU LOOK GREAT
Trump: Hahaha FUCK YOU
Trumps: [unison] LETS GO GRAB SOME PUSSY!!
Putin: I have an amazing opportunity for you my dear boy
Putin: I can get you your Nobel prize
Putin: I have guy on the board, he owes me favor
Putin: He just needs small amount money for expenses
Trump: Expenses?
Putin: “Expenses”
Trump: Ohhhh
Putin: $25 million
Day 2 ~ Day 3 ~ Day 4 ~ Day 5 ~ Day 6 ~ Day 7 ~ Day 8 ~ Day 9
(2 min read • Illustration by DALL-E)
Trump: Who’s greater, me or Lincoln?
Putin: Is no contest, Lincoln
Trump: FUCK LINCOLN WHATS HE GOT
Putin: He has 620,000 dead citizen in civil war
Putin: You have only 400,000 and no war
Putin: But hey better luck next time, eh?
Trump: I AM SO FUCKING HUNGRY!!
Trump: YOU!! WHY AM I NOT EATING RIGHT NOW?!!
Intern: um McDonalds closed your tab
Trump: [turns] YOU!!! WHY ARE WE NOT COOKING THAT INTERN RIGHT NOW?!!
Constituent: So why object to metal detectors? Is it so you can bring a gun to your workplace?
Representative Guncuddler: Yes. I want to have a loaded gun with me when I have frank discussions with my colleagues. I thought that would be obvious.
Constituent: …
Constituent: Still trying to figure out the whole “need a gun at the office” thing
Representative Guncuddler: Well, I might get to murder one or more of my coworkers
Constituent: Did you just
Representative Guncuddler: I meant HAVE to murder one or more of my coworkers
Representative Guncuddler: And I stand here today ready to kill anyone that disagrees with my right to carry this beautiful device that lets me kill anyone I see
Representative Guncuddler: Some say preventing random impulsive murder is good. I say, let’s have that debate!
Representative Guncuddler: If we prevent the godgiven right of anyone with white skin to randomly flip out and murder those around them, then all our murders will be PREMEDITATED and my constituents are against premeditated murder
Constituent: Except democrats!
Intern 1: [whispering] What’s he doing?
Intern 2: Literally holding his breath until he turns blue
Intern 1: Still can’t get past that throbbing purple color
Intern 2: Nope
Senator: I disagree with my esteemed colleagues on the necessity of being able to murder those around you at any moment
Senator: I prefer to be part of a rioting mob
Senator: That’s the way my grandfather terrorized and murdered his neighbors and it’s good enough for me
Trump: If I kill someone on 5th Ave i wont lose any followers…
Trump: Social media took all my followers…
Trump: [thinking really hard]
Trump: …
Trump: YOU!! GET MY GUN, WE'RE GOING TO THE CITY!
Ivanka: I am SO MAD at daddy
Ivanka: I was going to be president in 2024 and now he’s not president and he can’t even pardon anymore and I just… everything is RUINED
Jared: Maybe he’s worried you can do better than 400,000
Ivanka: Don’t say that!! he did his best!
Intern 1: Why are we removing all the mirrors? Is he really a vampire?
Intern 2: No, he just keeps losing arguments whenever he sees one
Trump: FUCK YOU, I'M NOT PAYING
Mirror Trump: FUCK YOU I'M NOT PAYING
Trump: This guy is good
Trump: I WILL EAT YOUR HEART FOR BREAKFAST!
Mirror Trump: I WILL EAT YOUR HEART FOR BREAKFAST!! ALSO HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING OUT? YOU LOOK GREAT
Trump: Hahaha FUCK YOU
Trumps: [unison] LETS GO GRAB SOME PUSSY!!
Putin: I have an amazing opportunity for you my dear boy
Putin: I can get you your Nobel prize
Putin: I have guy on the board, he owes me favor
Putin: He just needs small amount money for expenses
Trump: Expenses?
Putin: “Expenses”
Trump: Ohhhh
Putin: $25 million
Day 2 ~ Day 3 ~ Day 4 ~ Day 5 ~ Day 6 ~ Day 7 ~ Day 8 ~ Day 9