(2 min read • Illustration by DALL-E)
Trump: THEY CAN’T FUCKING STOP TRUMP FROM BEING PRESIDENT AGAIN
Aide 1: Actually, they can
Rudy: It’s ok I have a plan
Rudy: The constitution says if your roommate dies or you lose the vote you can give yourself an EVEN BETTER JOB
Rudy: Putin knows his shit
Putin on speakerphone: Yes, is so good once again to talk to you without all those secure phones
Trump: I came up with my new job title you will never guess in a million years guess come on guess GUESS GUESS!!!!!
Putin: Is it “Super President”?
Trump: ARE YOU A WITCH?!!
Trump: How did you know about Super President?
Putin: I tell you last time, is not good because you need cape
Trump: (slumping, small voice) You really don’t like it?
Putin: It’s ok. Maybe great world leader is not for you
Putin: Did you ever launder that $150M for me?
Friend 1: Hey it’s been so long guys, come on upstairs, my house is your house
Insurrectionist 1: OUR HOUSE!!!
Insurrectionist 2: OUR HOUSE MOTHERFUCKERS HOW YOU LIKE US NOW!!
[shattering and crashing noises]
friend 1: Oh right
Trump: MISTER Super President
Putin: No
Trump: The greatest!
Putin: Is already boxer
Trump: VELOCIRAPTOR-IN-CHIEF!!
Putin: No dinosaur except T-Rex, you know why
Trump: It’s my stubby little fingers
Putin: Yes it is
Trump: HERO OF THE RUSSIAN FEDERATION!
Putin: …
Friend 1: Besides freedom, why do you guys bring guns to protests
Guncuddler 1: In case i need to murder someone, duh
Guncuddler 2: Yup never know when someone gonna need murdering
Friend 1: And the assault rifle?
Guncuddler 1: Sometimes a LOT of people need murdering
Trump: I have my new job title and it’s WAY BETTER than president which sounds stupid anyway!!
Putin: ok
Trump: It’s genius because i stand by my CONVICTIONS and I am the best at FREE TRADE
Putin: I am chills
Trump: CONVICTED TRADER
Putin: You are so, so special to me
FIRST IMPEACHMENT
Republicans: Breaking the law to stay in power is ok
Republicans: Besides we’re pretty sure he learned his lesson
Trump’s shoulder devil 1: Next time use violence
Devil 2: You think violence solves everything
Devil 1: Well, it does
Devil 2: Good point
Day 2 ~ Day 3 ~ Day 4 ~ Day 5 ~ Day 6 ~ Day 7 ~ Day 8 ~ Day 9
(2 min read • Illustration by DALL-E)
Trump: THEY CAN’T FUCKING STOP TRUMP FROM BEING PRESIDENT AGAIN
Aide 1: Actually, they can
Rudy: It’s ok I have a plan
Rudy: The constitution says if your roommate dies or you lose the vote you can give yourself an EVEN BETTER JOB
Rudy: Putin knows his shit
Putin on speakerphone: Yes, is so good once again to talk to you without all those secure phones
Trump: I came up with my new job title you will never guess in a million years guess come on guess GUESS GUESS!!!!!
Putin: Is it “Super President”?
Trump: ARE YOU A WITCH?!!
Trump: How did you know about Super President?
Putin: I tell you last time, is not good because you need cape
Trump: (slumping, small voice) You really don’t like it?
Putin: It’s ok. Maybe great world leader is not for you
Putin: Did you ever launder that $150M for me?
Friend 1: Hey it’s been so long guys, come on upstairs, my house is your house
Insurrectionist 1: OUR HOUSE!!!
Insurrectionist 2: OUR HOUSE MOTHERFUCKERS HOW YOU LIKE US NOW!!
[shattering and crashing noises]
friend 1: Oh right
Trump: MISTER Super President
Putin: No
Trump: The greatest!
Putin: Is already boxer
Trump: VELOCIRAPTOR-IN-CHIEF!!
Putin: No dinosaur except T-Rex, you know why
Trump: It’s my stubby little fingers
Putin: Yes it is
Trump: HERO OF THE RUSSIAN FEDERATION!
Putin: …
Friend 1: Besides freedom, why do you guys bring guns to protests
Guncuddler 1: In case i need to murder someone, duh
Guncuddler 2: Yup never know when someone gonna need murdering
Friend 1: And the assault rifle?
Guncuddler 1: Sometimes a LOT of people need murdering
Trump: I have my new job title and it’s WAY BETTER than president which sounds stupid anyway!!
Putin: ok
Trump: It’s genius because i stand by my CONVICTIONS and I am the best at FREE TRADE
Putin: I am chills
Trump: CONVICTED TRADER
Putin: You are so, so special to me
FIRST IMPEACHMENT
Republicans: Breaking the law to stay in power is ok
Republicans: Besides we’re pretty sure he learned his lesson
Trump’s shoulder devil 1: Next time use violence
Devil 2: You think violence solves everything
Devil 1: Well, it does
Devil 2: Good point
Day 2 ~ Day 3 ~ Day 4 ~ Day 5 ~ Day 6 ~ Day 7 ~ Day 8 ~ Day 9