I live-blogged the first days of the Biden administration on Twitter. I'm reposting it here because it makes me laugh, and it's OK to laugh at your own jokes, probably. The whole thing is about a ten minute read.
(1 min read • Illustration by DALL-E)
Joe Biden steps out onto the east lawn, bathrobe, cell phone and a crack pipe. His plan to gain the most Twitter followers in history is in motion.
Mr Trump demands a very large sea turtle and when it arrives later that day, he insists it be his caddy “or suffer the consequences”. He fires the turtle on the 5th hole and vows to make soup before he pays that fucking turtle
Jared and Ivanka drop their bags and kick the door closed, “oh. my. god... it feels sooooo GOOD to RELAX!!” and uncurl their tails
entire nation, yes including EVERYONE I MEAN YOU DON’T LIE, relaxes that thing we’ve all had clenched, even if only for like an hour
SEDITION GUY 1: I don’t get it how did the government find us, those guys are incompetent
SEDITION GUY 2: dude maybe we should be ninjas that would be amazing
SEDITION GUY 1: yeah those guys are invisible
SEDITION GUY 2: ninjas can still livestream EVEN INVISIBLE
Days 2–ongoing
Trump references nuking something in an otherwise unrelated conversation between 16 and 85 times per day
four hundred fucking thousand people still fucking dead for one man’s fucking dysfunction
Day 2 ~ Day 3 ~ Day 4 ~ Day 5 ~ Day 6 ~ Day 7 ~ Day 8 ~ Day 9
I live-blogged the first days of the Biden administration on Twitter. I'm reposting it here because it makes me laugh, and it's OK to laugh at your own jokes, probably. The whole thing is about a ten minute read.
(1 min read • Illustration by DALL-E)
Joe Biden steps out onto the east lawn, bathrobe, cell phone and a crack pipe. His plan to gain the most Twitter followers in history is in motion.
Mr Trump demands a very large sea turtle and when it arrives later that day, he insists it be his caddy “or suffer the consequences”. He fires the turtle on the 5th hole and vows to make soup before he pays that fucking turtle
Jared and Ivanka drop their bags and kick the door closed, “oh. my. god... it feels sooooo GOOD to RELAX!!” and uncurl their tails
entire nation, yes including EVERYONE I MEAN YOU DON’T LIE, relaxes that thing we’ve all had clenched, even if only for like an hour
SEDITION GUY 1: I don’t get it how did the government find us, those guys are incompetent
SEDITION GUY 2: dude maybe we should be ninjas that would be amazing
SEDITION GUY 1: yeah those guys are invisible
SEDITION GUY 2: ninjas can still livestream EVEN INVISIBLE
Days 2–ongoing
Trump references nuking something in an otherwise unrelated conversation between 16 and 85 times per day
four hundred fucking thousand people still fucking dead for one man’s fucking dysfunction
Day 2 ~ Day 3 ~ Day 4 ~ Day 5 ~ Day 6 ~ Day 7 ~ Day 8 ~ Day 9