(2 min read • Illustration by DALL-E)
Trump approves bid from contractor suckers to begin work on 5,000-foot-high monument of his middle finger which is perfectly sized
Trump fires the leopard
Q Idiot 1: i don’t get it, did they not see the proof?! there were baby bottles of bubbly blood in the supermarkets
Q Idiot 2: I know right, it was in every single grocery store in the country
Q Idiot 1: They tried to trick me by keeping it out of mine
Q Idiot 2: Me too
THING A: [hoovering sound, blaze of lights, gravity fluctuations]
THING A: ... !!!
THING A: HOLY FUCK
THING B: That’s pure 2020 right there
THING A: No wonder that universe is banned
THING A: [horfles another line, 3 galaxies spin faster]
THING A: This shit is tight
Day of the Fuckheads
Sedition Guy 1: Dude we better hide these weapons before we go inside to look for people to kidnap and murder
Sedition Guy 2: We should livestream this so we know where we hid them
Sedition Guy 1: Oh good call
Sedition Guy 2: It’s what i trained for
Completely real in every way patriotic trembling overcome with emotion really for the first time ever tears real tears streaming down his patriotic features: Sir, i know the constitution because i studied it and it says right there you should be king
Trump: I love naptime
Trump’s shoulder devil: So the lesson learned HAHAHAHA
Trump’s shoulder angel KIDDING it’s another shoulder devil: I will never get tired of that, seriously
Trump’s shoulder devil 1: I fucking love this job
Trump’s shoulder devil 2: Let’s make him froth at the mouth
Trump lawyer 1: Wasn’t there a thing where like if you and other people commit like a felony and someone like dies there’s like a thing they can get you on even if you just told other people to do a thing?
Lawyer 2: Doesn't ring a bell
Lawyer 1: Phew let's get high again
Trump intern 1: Why does he need a list of his golf courses sorted by extradition status?
Intern 2: You’d think he'd have that list memorized
Intern 2: You ok
Intern 1: Yeah lost my breath laughing. Do it again
Intern 1: "Memorized"
Intern 2: “Are we getting paid”
Trump aide 1: Do you have the price list handy?
Aide 2: Pardons?
Aide 1: No, the other one
Aide 2: Commutations?
Aide 1: Nope
Aide 2: Aid and comfort?
Aide 1: That’s the one
Aide 2: What’s he need it for
Aide 1: Some new kind of “super treason”
Day 2 ~ Day 3 ~ Day 4 ~ Day 5 ~ Day 6 ~ Day 7 ~ Day 8 ~ Day 9
(2 min read • Illustration by DALL-E)
Trump approves bid from contractor suckers to begin work on 5,000-foot-high monument of his middle finger which is perfectly sized
Trump fires the leopard
Q Idiot 1: i don’t get it, did they not see the proof?! there were baby bottles of bubbly blood in the supermarkets
Q Idiot 2: I know right, it was in every single grocery store in the country
Q Idiot 1: They tried to trick me by keeping it out of mine
Q Idiot 2: Me too
THING A: [hoovering sound, blaze of lights, gravity fluctuations]
THING A: ... !!!
THING A: HOLY FUCK
THING B: That’s pure 2020 right there
THING A: No wonder that universe is banned
THING A: [horfles another line, 3 galaxies spin faster]
THING A: This shit is tight
Day of the Fuckheads
Sedition Guy 1: Dude we better hide these weapons before we go inside to look for people to kidnap and murder
Sedition Guy 2: We should livestream this so we know where we hid them
Sedition Guy 1: Oh good call
Sedition Guy 2: It’s what i trained for
Completely real in every way patriotic trembling overcome with emotion really for the first time ever tears real tears streaming down his patriotic features: Sir, i know the constitution because i studied it and it says right there you should be king
Trump: I love naptime
Trump’s shoulder devil: So the lesson learned HAHAHAHA
Trump’s shoulder angel KIDDING it’s another shoulder devil: I will never get tired of that, seriously
Trump’s shoulder devil 1: I fucking love this job
Trump’s shoulder devil 2: Let’s make him froth at the mouth
Trump lawyer 1: Wasn’t there a thing where like if you and other people commit like a felony and someone like dies there’s like a thing they can get you on even if you just told other people to do a thing?
Lawyer 2: Doesn't ring a bell
Lawyer 1: Phew let's get high again
Trump intern 1: Why does he need a list of his golf courses sorted by extradition status?
Intern 2: You’d think he'd have that list memorized
Intern 2: You ok
Intern 1: Yeah lost my breath laughing. Do it again
Intern 1: "Memorized"
Intern 2: “Are we getting paid”
Trump aide 1: Do you have the price list handy?
Aide 2: Pardons?
Aide 1: No, the other one
Aide 2: Commutations?
Aide 1: Nope
Aide 2: Aid and comfort?
Aide 1: That’s the one
Aide 2: What’s he need it for
Aide 1: Some new kind of “super treason”
Day 2 ~ Day 3 ~ Day 4 ~ Day 5 ~ Day 6 ~ Day 7 ~ Day 8 ~ Day 9